


(fic) (X) And All That Could Have Been (Subaru/Seishirou, R)

by windsorblue



Category: X - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-26
Updated: 2007-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-14 04:17:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsorblue/pseuds/windsorblue





	(fic) (X) And All That Could Have Been (Subaru/Seishirou, R)

  
  
  
  
**Entry tags:**   
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[r](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/r), [seishirou](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/seishirou), [seishirou/subaru](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/seishirou%2Fsubaru), [subaru](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/subaru), [x/1999](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/x%2F1999), [yaoi challenge](http://postwarmiracles.livejournal.com/tag/yaoi%20challenge)  
  
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**(fic) (X) And All That Could Have Been (Subaru/Seishirou, R)**   
_   
written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/yaoi_challenge/profile)[**yaoi_challenge**](http://community.livejournal.com/yaoi_challenge/)'s Obscure Fandom challenge.  
fandom: X  
pairing: Seishirou Sakurazuka and Subaru Sumeragi  
rating: R  
recipient: Lady Giovanni, who turned out to be [](http://gryvon.livejournal.com/profile)[**gryvon**](http://gryvon.livejournal.com/)  
prompt: "Anything that brings Subaru and Seishirou together as a couple, even if it's just for a night."

It was like he came out of nowhere - out of a dream, out of a nightmare, out of a waking-state that was somewhere between the two. Subaru blew a puff of cigarette smoke out of his mouth and when it dissipated, there stood Seishirou - the very image of the Devil himself - smiling in his Armani way.

Subaru almost jumped up, almost went for Seishirou's throat, but instead he took another drag off the cigarette and said, "Get out."

"Now, Subaru." Seishirou stepped forward and the cigarette hung loose on Subaru's lip. "Did you forget we have a date tonight?"

"I said, get out."

"You're going to hurt my feelings, Subaru." Seishirou reached out and took the cigarette, took a puff and blew the smoke out slowly, stubbing it out in the half-full ashtray.

"What feelings?" Subaru said, and Seishirou frowned at the tone in his voice.

"Now, don't be mean. I made reservations. Do you like French?"

Subaru reached for his cigarette pack, but Seishirou got to it first - scooped it up in his fist and stuffed it into his pants pocket. Subaru looked up at him and all but scowled. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you, we have a date tonight. A nice dinner and tickets to the symphony - I've made all the arrangements."

"And were you going to _ask_ me if I wanted to go out on a date with you?"

Seishirou snapped his fingers. "I knew I'd forgotten one small detail."

Subaru snorted. "Go away please, Seishirou-sa..." He stopped himself before he could finish pronouncing the honorific. "Seishirou. Give me back my cigarettes, and then leave me alone."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. What would Hokuto say if I left you sitting here all alone in your sad little apartment for yet another night?" He just barely looked around - eyes moving side-to-side, and yet still giving off an air of disapproval - before meeting Subaru's eyes and smiling, almost sincerely.

"Don't talk about her," Subaru said, voice flat.

"I wouldn't want to disappoint Hokuto-chan. Would you, Subaru?"

Subaru stepped close to Seishirou, threatening-close. "I said, don't talk about her."

Seishirou put his hand on Subaru's cheek and smiled some more, that smile, that memory-smile that Subaru couldn't make himself forget. "Would you like to go out on a date with me tonight, Subaru?"

Subaru took a long, deep breath, half-frozen. "What if I say no?"

"Well then, I suppose we'll have to fight to the death or some such thing. How dreadfully tedious."

Subaru closed his eyes, shook his head. "I'm not in the mood to fight to the death tonight, actually."

"Then say yes."

Subaru held Seishirou's gaze for a long moment. "Fine," he said, and went to put on his shoes.

\--

At dinner, Seishirou tried to pull out a chair for him, but Subaru went around to the other side of the table and sat there instead. Seishirou asked for a bottle of wine and two glasses; Subaru drank water. Seishirou tried to order for him - cassoulet - but Subaru looked the waitress dead in the eye and told her he'd have the ratatouille.

When the food came, Subaru asked, "What are we doing here?"

"Having a pleasant evening out," Seishirou replied with a smile. He brushed his hand over Subaru's - fingerbacks to fingerbacks - and Subaru shivered and jerked his hand away, but not fast enough to go untouched. As they ate, Seishirou's foot bumped up against Subaru's, under the table, and after thinking about it for a few moments Subaru left his foot where it was, being touched by Seishirou's foot, and as he got used to that feeling, Subaru wondered if _this_ was how it could have been.

At the symphony, the performance for the night was Stravinsky - "Rite of Spring" and "The Firebird" - and Subaru didn't always like how the music felt with Seishirou sitting beside him. It was too violent, sometimes. Too bloodthirsty in places, and yet too familiar in others. It reminded him of the night Hokuto had died, and all the music he'd heard in his head when it happened; the hard and raw sounds of blood ebbing and pulse speeding up too fast before slowing to nothing. Subaru turned to ask again, whisper-ask - "What are we doing here?" - but when he saw Seishirou's face, enraptured by the music, head and hands waving slightly, mirroring the conductor, he couldn't. Asking suddenly seemed rather stupid, childish. And among Subaru's regrets was how childish Seishirou had always made him feel.

So instead of asking, Subaru sat back in his seat and thought about how it felt to be sitting here, next to Seishirou - how it felt to bump elbows and shoulders with Seishirou on the armrest - and wondered if _this_ was how it could have been.

When the cab home arrived at Subaru's building, Seishirou paid the driver and opened the car door for Subaru. He didn't ask if he could come upstairs - he just did - and Subaru was irritated at the assumption, even though he knew he wouldn't have been able to say no to Seishirou and mean it.

On their way into the building, Seishirou placed his hand, open-palmed, on the small of Subaru's back, and Subaru had to close his eyes and work to not-feel it, to not-like it, to not-wonder if _this_ was how it could have been.

\--

Subaru closed the door behind them but didn't lock it. "I'm still not sure why you came here tonight."

Seishirou turned to him, shrugged, smiled. "Didn't you have a nice time?"

"Yes," Subaru said. He toed off his shoes and took off his coat, hung it over a chair instead of on the hook near the door. Then he took a deep breath and said it again. "Yes, I did. I suppose I should thank you."

"You're welcome," Seishirou said, a tiny hint of smugness in his voice.

"But why did you go to the trouble?" Subaru asked.

"Why, just for fun, of course. What other reason does one need for spending an evening out with someone dear?"

Subaru froze, his expression going cold. "Dear," he repeated.

"Of course," Seishirou replied.

Subaru let out a long breath - to let out the anger building in his gut - but once the breath was gone, the anger was still there, so before he could think about it he shoved Seishirou up against the nearest wall, Subaru's hands to Seishirou's shoulders. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Seishirou's smile slipped-shifted, became the _other_ smile that Subaru couldn't forget, the smile that shattered him. "Whatever do you mean, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru pushed him again, slammed him back harder. The way Seishirou said his name like that - _Subaru-kun_ \- it made Subaru near-blind with anger. "Why? Why are you here? Why can't I be free of you? Why did you kill her?"

"Why did I kill who? I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific - there have been so many, after all..." Seishirou's calm made Subaru even angrier.

"Who do you think?" The heel of Subaru's hand ground into Seishirou's shoulder, but if it hurt, Seishirou didn't flinch - not nearly as much as Subaru might have hoped he would.

"Ah," Seishirou nodded. "Hokuto-chan. Of course." He cleared his throat, like a storyteller getting ready to begin. "She came to me, you know. She asked to take your place. And you know as well as I do how futile it was to argue with Hokuto-chan when she had her mind made up." Subaru shoved him again and then stepped back, turned away, couldn't look at Seishirou any more, but Seishirou stayed where he was, up against the wall. "She sacrificed herself of her own accord. I didn't make that decision for her. Neither did you."

"It's our fault she died," Subaru said, his voice dull. "Yours and mine."

"And so what if it is? What does it change?"

"Aren't you even the least bit sorry?"

"No, not at all."

Subaru whirled on Seishirou again, hand to his throat this time, but not squeezing, not yet.

"Truthfully, Subaru," Seishirou murmured, "I don't think you're very sorry, either. That is why it torments you so. You have your duty now; your duty to your Kamui; as do I to mine. Would you have preferred for Hokuto to have to face me in this battle instead of that one?"

"One of us will finally die in this battle," Subaru said.

"Most certainly," Seishirou replied. "All the more reason to spend time enjoying ourselves now." Finally, then, he moved - moved his hand to the back of Subaru's neck, held Subaru frozen-still as he kissed him. It wasn't gentle or kind, that kiss. It hurt Subaru's mouth and Subaru's heart, but Subaru couldn't have stopped kissing back for anything.

When he tried, later that night, after Seishirou had gone, Subaru couldn't remember who had started undressing the other first. He remembered the sound of fabric tearing but couldn't remember what had gotten torn. He couldn't remember how he had gotten some of the teeth marks on his neck and collarbone, but some of the marks he did remember. He couldn't remember getting on his knees before Seishirou, but he knew that his mouth still tasted like cock.

He couldn't remember why - how - when, exactly - Seishirou had laid down on the floor and spread his knees, lifted his feet, rested his calves on Subaru's shoulders. But he remembered what it felt like to be inside Seishirou, remembered the shock-moment when he realized he was being allowed to fuck Seishirou. He remembered how it felt when Seishirou pushed two fingers inside of _him_ , then three, then four - fucking Subaru with his fingers while Subaru fucked Seishirou with his cock.

But most of all Subaru remembered when he came, and how he wondered at that moment if _this_ was how it could have been.

*end*  



End file.
